Saturday, February 25, 2012

Jack Sparrow VS. Catwoman: LA Street Fight


“Fire officials responded to a battery call around 5:30 p.m. to learn that a fight between Catwoman and an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator had ended with him getting pepper sprayed (outside The Kodak Theater).
Initial reports identified a man dressed as Jack Sparrow of "Pirates of the Caribbean" as having been the victim.”-NBCLA The Article

In the article, we are never given the names of the people who were supposedly dressed like the characters, therefore we must assume that these were in fact those characters. This means this was not some random act of violence, but has meaning. Lots of rich meaning.
 “The best pirate I’ve ever seen” has been mistaken for Ozzy, someone who hasn’t been recognized in even more years, but apparently loves colonoscopies. ColonOZZcopy (Damn proud of that)

How could this happen? Why?

Because Captain Jack has fallen from grace.

Back in 2003, people couldn’t stop talking about this strange find in Johnny Depp. And why not the man created the most indelible character of that decade bar none. He was so good, so unlike anything we had ever seen before, that we forgot it was based on a ride at Disneyland.

Just a year later in 2004, people couldn’t get far enough away from Catwoman. The film was unanimously hated and received 7 Raspberries awards. It was buried figuratively and literally. Not to mention severely curtailing (pun) Hallie Berry’s career. (By the way, I saw Hallie Berry’s Catwoman opening night with my best friend. Loved it.) 

Put it this way, if Catwoman tried to get in on a picture with Captain Jack then, the public would have skinned her.  The spotlight was his.

Flashforward: 2011 On Stranger Tides, a box office success, but otherwise completely forgettable according to most viewers and destroyed by critics. Each previous sequel was deemed less likeable, but this was the final straw. Some went so far as to say that Depp mailed in his performance.

And it might be the end of the franchise, since Depp has only feigned interest in making another. Johnny explained that he’d like to "Hold off for a bit." Which translates to: Even he was unhappy with the last installment. And only maybe wants to reboot the franchise later down the line. 

Oh Captain, my Captain…

Ironically, Catwoman is now back with a vengeance. People can’t wait to see her in The Dark Night Rises. This is her time in the sun after many long years in therapy after writers exhausted every possible cat pun for her character. Like before, her performance could be bashed again, unless Christopher Nolan gives some depth to what the public believes is a purely novelty character.

But whether Catwoman will be destroyed in reviews, matters little, because this is her time, a time she thought was coming eight years ago. She’s finally wanted again after years of exile. The pepper spray simply was a means to enact revenge.

Our movie heroes fall, but only in popularity. Do yourself a favor, take a look at Pirates of the Caribbean again, and you’ll recognize the greatness you once admired. It hasn’t vanished. It just waits.

And so sits Captain Jack, drinking rum, preparing for his resurrection, and praying that Ozzy Osbourne look-alikes stop photo-bombing. 



 The Hollywood Defender

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