Tuesday, March 6, 2012

In Defense of Paula Deen (Celebrity Chef and Overly Inventive Wedding Planner)


Among the allegations, [Paula] Deen is said to have made racially offensive comments, including one regarding the desired dress code for servers at her brother’s wedding.
“Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n***ers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around,” Jackson claims Deen told her. "Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn't it? But we can't do that because the media would be on me about that." Link  

One of the problems I have as The Hollywood Defender is deciding who is a celebrity and who is not. Now, I only defend celebrities. But what makes a celebrity? In my opinion it's a dynamic personality, fame, and being a few degrees away from Kevin Bacon. 

Which brings us to Paula Deen. She works as a chef on The Food Network, and is most commonly listed as a celebrity chef, and at times cooks Bacon (check). 

Now, many would contend that the food is the true star and the chef falls second. In addition, making “food porn” is about the same as making real porn. Because at what point are you a porn star versus a porn actor? At what point are you a celebrity chef versus a chef?

The evil qualifier hangs on the end of Deen's celebrity: chef. She’s not just a celebrity, she’s a celebrity chef. 

But if I don’t stand up for Deen who will?  Answer So that’s just one person, it’s not like an entire group would stand up for her, I mean come on----Answer 2 

Oh…ok...right... but who else?

Me, The Hollywood Defender, goddamn it.

It is well known that Deen has diabetes. Why is this important? Because by monitoring sugar levels and reducing them in your diet makes even the most politically correct prone to rabid bouts of racism. Especially, in stressful times like planning a wedding.

I can’t even count how many times I haven’t been able to eat cupcake and immediately proceeded to go on rant about how illegal immigration is the sole reason for my sugar deficiency.

Not to mention there’s video proof of this phenomenon: Video 
Even Betty White can’t resist yelling at an African American when she’s hungry for delicious treats.

But are we certain that Deen even said something racist? She may have used the n-word or simply a word beginning with "n" and ending in “ers.” Can we be sure what letters are hidden under those stars? 
Just off the top of my google search: Nappers, needers, neckers, netters, neuters,nickers, niffers, nippers, nodders, numbers, nutters (link). 

And all these words can turn her sentence into a mad-cap, hilarious mad-lib, which Deen plays any time she’s out of the kitchen.

If Deen said it or not, we can never be sure. But there’s one thing we can be certain of its authenticity: if Deen had gone ahead with this wedding “the media would be on [her] about that." The media is on her case for even saying it. 

But if we could imagine a media that wasn’t so anti-Deen, maybe she would have seen her outrageous plans through. And then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t just be a celebrity chef, she’d be famous enough to be a celebrity. 




The Hollywood Defender


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