Friday, March 30, 2012

Jack and Jill, Adam Sandler, and a Live Blog

At long last I’ve seen it that gentle light flickering on the screen called: Jack and Jill. In the film, Jack (Adam Sandler) is a television commercial director whose sister Jill (Adam Sandler) comes to town. To find the last time Sandler played multiple roles we have to go back to 2002 in Eight Crazy Nights, in which Sandler took on the roles of Davey, Whitey, Eleanor, and Deer (which if I remember correctly is just “a deer”, not someone named Deer). I’d been saving Jack and Jill to see with my Uncle, however when we finally got together Jack was in the liminal stage between theaters and bargain theaters. It was released in bargains the week after I left Wisconsin. The 3% rating didn’t detour me and so this week I rented in on RedBox.

The following are my thoughts on the gender bending comedy:

Opens with a reference to Harry Met Sally with interviews with Twins, twins having their own secret language, these particular two talking like whales is like one thing I thought I would never see, but I’m so glad I did.

1st fart joke, baby farting in the tub, I love fart jokes and will mention everyone I see, O and I’ll keep track on gay jokes.

Regis has diarrhea in the first scene: Fart Joke 2

Dunkachino vs Al Pacino, this is the plot point, because their names sound the same, it is an obvious advertising ploy. He must get Al Pacino to work for Dunkin’ Donuts. This got me thinking, what are the other cases in which celebrity names and companies align for the perfect advertising campaign:
1.     Jack Nicholson and Jack in the Box
2.     Tom Cruise and Norwegian Cruise Lines- this has infinite possibilities
3.     Ryan Reynolds and Reynolds Rap- sex and metal sheets, what more could you ask for?
4.     Robert Downey Jr. and Downy Fabric Softener. Imagine for a moment if you will Robert cuddle up with a soft blanket in a field of yellow flowers looking, possibly in an adorable bear costume or with the body of a baby. Tell me you wouldn’t buy that?
5.     Washington Apples and Denzel Washington- An apple a day keeps Denzel away (mean Denzel, not Preacher’s Wife Denzel). Maybe not cheesy enough.
6.     Ford Motor Company and Harrison Ford- If Indy ran from Nazis in a Ford Fiesta, I would drive to work in a Ford Fiesta.
7.     Courtney Cox and Cox Communications- Friends and Communications make sense-Thank you to my brother’s girlfriend
8.     Mel Gibson and Gibson guitars- Did Mel Gibson ever play a rock star except in life? This is a perfect match.
9.     Adam Scott- Scott tissue paper.-Thanks you to my brother’s girlfriend

Missing scene: Did not have the classic shot where they slowly reveal in slo-mo that Jill looks exactly like Adam Sandler. You know the one I’m talking about, the slow turn around to reveal a character we’ve already heard so much about.  

Adam Sandler’s Jack seems like he’s not even trying, it’s good though; he seems relaxed like an authentic Adam Sandler.

3. Fart Joke- Parrot’s name is Poopsie

Sweat shadow- the sweaty residue you leave after you sleep on your sheets. Jill leaves this behind.

Adam Sandler’s Indian son likes tape.

Homeless guy is Adam Sandler’s college buddy: Allen Covert- he’s in Waterboy, Wedding Singer as Fonzie, Waterboy, Grandma’s boy

Otto, the homeless guy, played by Allen Covert- suggested It’s a Wonderful Life is actually Stars Wars. Movies I’ve mistaken for other movies:
1.     Are you kidding? I would never do that. Especially with an Imdb app. There is no reason for dispelling false movie information or names in today’s world.
2.     However, I did have a large and bitter argument with my family that the word “hen” was spelled “han” like Han Solo. I still spell “hen” as “han.” And I will until the day I die in block of carbonite.

(Sidenote: I just looked up to see what Han was frozen in and discovered Cliff from Cheers John Ratzenberger was desk officer Major Bren Derlin in The Empire Strikes Back: 

Indian kid- taped a chicken wing to his chest and now a saltshaker to his head. Jill just used the kid’s head as the shaker to put salt on her food

Jill thinks “Skype” sound anti-Semitic.  

Eugenio Derbez my favorite actor from Rob on CBS just appeared, he plays Hector on Rob, he carries that show and is actually tremendously funny, he commits to everything and delivers jokes of stupidity with the utmost seriousness.

I wonder if Adam chose to play two roles in order to get paid twice? He deserves to get paid twice if he didn’t. His Happy Madison production company also produced it, so does he pay himself? Does he get a salary at all? I want the answers to all these questions.

Both Jack and Jill farted at the same time: 4th and 5th fart joke

Adam Sandler is wearing false teeth for Jill. I know this may come as a shock to you, but Adam Sandler is a method actor at least trained as one (full disclosure: we have both had the same Method actor professor). I wonder if he went out in public as Jill?

The conceit of this film is very different than most of the films that involve men cross-dressing as women. Juwanna Man, Tootsie, Mrs. Doubtfire these are all taking advantage of men being strong women in the world. In this, Sandler eliminates that aspect and asks us to take him seriously as a woman. But at the same time, the joke is that never for a second do we believe Sandler is a woman. His films contain so many cameos that the world of the movie almost doesn’t exist, it’s such a crossover into real celebrities and sport’s athletes that I’m not even sure this is really a movie. It’s more like a string of skits that are loosely held together, like Saturday Night Live, with guest stars in each bit. We are not supposed to accept the reality for a minute and there’s a delight in not having to take the movie seriously.

Cameos so far: Regis, Drew Carey, Norm MacDonald, Johnny Depp, Shaq, Jared, Michael Irvin, Shamwow Guy, Bill Romanowski, Billy Blades, John MacEnroe, Dan Patrick,  (wearing a wig, licking a ham. Let me mention that I think Steel is underrated, and Kazaam will be the first movie I show to my children)

Adam Sandler’s eyes as Jill are insane. They are at least as wide as Malcolm Mcdowell in A Clockwork Orange when he was forced to watch those brainwash movies wide.

Watching Al Pacino hit on Adam Sandler in Drag, surpasses all my dreams and wishes for this life. Never will I be…Johnny Depp’s wearing a Justin Bieber shirt may have topped it.

This movie is nowhere as bad as everyone said it was. It isn’t the best comedy of all time, but I have legitimately laughed every time Pacino was on screen.

Guessing game: What bra size is Jill (Adam Sandler wearing)?
I think at least above a C, there is a high percentage guess that they are DD. They’re real and they’re spectacular. It’s funny that in almost every movie where a man dressed as a woman they chose to have huge breasts. It is either to compensate for the size of their bodies or because they just still really like big boobs.

Informed that Jets coach Rex Ryan plays a Patriots fan in Sandler’s next film. Oh, I cannot wait.

Jill destroyed Pacino’s only Academy award. Here’s a list of what he should have won for: Scarface, Godfather, Godfather II, Godfather III, Dick Tracy, Dog’s Day Afternoon.

Eugenio Derbez also plays his Grandma in the movie and made a joke that at Mexican picnics one of the traditions is stealing “white people’s wallets”

Grandma has one tooth and got hit in the face with a soccer ball. God I love this movie. Now a bat. Rule of three says one more time… nope. Sandler broke the classic three-joke rule.

Pacino’s starting to go crazy and is now drying humping Jill’s sweat shadow. Pacino has giant balls to do this and he’s legitimately funny. He plays off the fact that we all think Pacino is a little crazy because he always yells. I can’t think of another actor who I would be more scared to be yelling at me of his generation, Nic Cage for his, Christian Bale for his generation and Zac Efron for his.

Jill just farted: fart joke 6.

Now taking a shit in the bathroom: 7

Sandler now wafting it away, lighting candle, kid’s holding their noses, parrot holding their noses, opening another door to get rid of the smell: Total: 12

Pacino just took Sandler’s call during the middle of a play. Pacino thinks he’s on the phone with Jill, but it’s actually Jack doing an impression of Jill. Brilliant! So Meta!

Whoa plot development: Jack is dressing like Jill to fool Al Pacino, the conceit is on.

A cheesecake in the shape of Al Pacino’s head.

Acting teacher Stella Adler once wrote we can  “figure out someone’s behavior by tickling them and how they react to it. “

Al Pacino hit a man dressed as a woman with a chair. He nailed her too.

Pacino gave a heartwarming speech about why he loves Jill. And is singing as Don Quixote. Redeeming.

Al Pacino’s house has torches, like medieval torches.

WOMBMATE a term for twin. That’s awesome. I can’t stop laughing.

David Spade plays a hooker with huge boobs as well, they look real.

They just made fun of “hooking up with Rob Schneider”, are they fighting at the moment? Rob was one of Sandler’s friends who was not in this movie. Rob also has his own production company that produced Rob.

Why can we say an actor is “on that show”, but not “on that movie”? I think it has to do with the medium. The phase “on television” explains the difference.

Will they go for the gay kiss like Tootsie did? He didn’t do it I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. They didn’t do it. Most of Sandler’s fans are teenagers and I think that is why Sandler chooses not to show “gay kissing” he doesn’t want it to be associated with the gross out moments that underlies most of his films. I’m very proud of Sandler for this artistic choice and not stooping to depths that most critics accuse him of.

Dunkachino video of Al rapping “must never be seen by everyone”- Al Pacino

The Hollywood Defender   in Dedication to Uncle Chang (still alive)

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