Sunday, May 6, 2012

Iphone 4S: Siri, Samuel L. Jackson, and Zooey Deschannel

Let me preface this with I love Samuel L. (Leroy, in case you were wondering) Jackson and Zooey Deschanel. With that said, I’m adamantly against the new iphone commercials and not for the reasons you would think.

The very idea of major celebrities asking questions and giving order to a handheld machine is mind boggling.

I don’t believe Samuel L. Jackson is a cook for the following reasons:
1. Doesn’t know how many ounces are in a cup, then claims to have known that ( I can just seem Sam arguing that with the director to put in the line “I knew that.” Just like the ridiculous Depends commercial with Lisa Rinna, how many excuses do you need to use a product and maintain your cool?
For Rinna: Charity, not needing them, women's power)

2. Needs a reminder to put Gazpacho on ice

Again I am not in favor of how Apple represents the employment practices of both DesChanel and Sam for the following reasons:
 1. If Sam really has to make an appointment, wouldn’t he just call his personal assistant or secretary?
2.    If Deschanel can order in for tomato soup instead of simply opening a can, it would be my guess that she would never have to schedule a reminder on Siri to clean her own room. She most certainly has a maid, who would clean it for her.
3.  Deschanel doesn’t tell you the real reason she doesn’t want to put on “real shoes”, the untrained eye would assume it's cause of the rain. But no it’s actually cause in real life her maid puts on her shoes for her. Celebrities don’t put on their own shoes, it’s a fact.

 (And Zooey I know you’re quirky, but I pray that you have better speakers than to choose to listen to your song on a phone.)

I appreciate the celebrities acting like they are normal people like us, but they’re not even normal with a robotic voice helping them along. They’re better than us, they own cooler shit, they do cooler shit, and they make cooler shit. They aren't poor, they buy assistants, they pay personal chefs, or god forbid they get an unpaid intern. The point is they don't need a cellphone as an assistant.

It's Apple's fault for trying to "normalize" them, so that we think we can be like them if we buy their phone. 

I'm asking celebrities to stop this practice and put an end to "normalization." What I am asking is for celebrities to be proud of your wealth, I don’t want to know that you do similar things that I do on my phone. I want a Siri because I can’t afford a personal assistant or afford a window in my apartment to look outside to see what the weather is like. You’re better than me, you’re better than all the rest of us, it’s time to start acting like it even in commercials. Strike down the wicked non-barriers between us and set us barriers again. And it starts with Siri.

Now that's better. 

The Hollywood Defender

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