Friday, May 18, 2012

Nic Cage, Cal Graduate, Alumni


As I sat at my graduation after my name was announced and I waited for thousands of more names much more difficult than my own to be announced, I looked at my program and noticed that I hardly recognized any of the UC Berkeley’s famous alumni. Sure, there’s governor Jerry Brown, NBA player Ryan Anderson, that guy from the Counting Crows, Chris Pine, and Gregory Peck.

These are ok, Gregory Peck would have been strong, but it’s no longer the 1950s.

 I decided I had to do something not just for me, but for all Cal Graduates. The Hollywood Defender sprung into action. So I snuck back in line ready to get my name announced again.

I was three away from the front of the line when it started to set in exactly what I was about to do. I figured since I’d already graduated that it would be difficult, nearly impossible for me to be kicked out of school, but then again we were the school that was a major contributor in the research for the atomic bomb.

Too late to back out. I’m at the front of the line.

The announcer asks, “Where’s your name card?”

Me: “I lost it.”

Announcer: “Ok, ok, what’s your name?”

Me: “Nicolas Cage.”

Announcer into the microphone for all to here: “Nicolas… Cage.”

The Berkeley student body and parents go wild with cheers as I wave to them as I imagine Nic would.

I reach Eric E. Schmidt Executive Chairman Google for my handshake.

Schmidt: “Nicolas Cage?”

Me: “Yep.”

And so Nicolas Cage became a college graduate and Cal’s most famous alumni all in one day.

“Viva la fucking France.” –Nic Cage


The Hollywood Defender

(This continues the Hollywood Defender’s Nicolas Cage blog Saga, the count is at 4, the other links are below:

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