Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Nic Cage Dojo: The Best Ebay Items for Your Nic Cage Room

The Nicolas Cage Couch offers a strange dilemma for me:

1.    It is by far the most outrageously extravagant  piece of furniture I’ve ever seen, I would be willing to pay a year's salary for it, even if I was employed. 
      2I would never sit on Nic Cage’s face because it would be incredibly disrespectful

That said, I wanted to create an incredible Nicolas Cage themed room. It’s time to Cage out your room with real products (since the veracity of the couch is in question) to create the ultimate Nic Cage Dojo.

I spent the time searching through every item on ebay for Nic Cage: 3,740. 

Here’s what I found:

Dojo TIME!

Step one: You need a set of Nic Cage posters. There are several to choose from, so you must

In every Nic Cage Dojo, you must have Nicolas Cage action figures, I suggest the following: 

Windtalkers Set:
                                                                   Price: $75

Also the Ghost Rider whipping action Chain doll is a must. I believe looking over the extensive Nic Cage action doll faces that this by far is the most accurate and for 30 dollars, how can you go wrong? However, I will bid it up to a 100 and take you down.

Price: 30

And if you are in for the Rare Nic Cage detached head piece to put in your display case there is that as well from Drive Angry 3D, be quick, there's only 4 left: 

                                                                           Price: $30

Nic Cage action figure collection complete, nevermind, one addendum:

Extra pants for Johnny Blaze, in case you spill on your other ones: Price: $60 (more than doll)

What does Nic Cage have on Apple, only this: 

                                         Nic Cage Mouse Pad Price: $12.95, 10 available

In every great Cage Room, there must be time you set aside for reading, so why not check out a Cage script, with an autographs by the principle cast members no less: 

                                                     Price: $15.85, but expect a bidding war

Rare movie memorabilia of Cage, the time capsule drawings from Knowing:

                                          Price: $49, bidding war

What do you do to relax in Your Cage Dojo, how about a game of cards? 

7 of Spades & 8 of Clubs from The Boy in Blue: 

Buy now for: $10.74

Play a Nicolas Cage game of War, so what if it is only a 7 and an 8, that’s makes the game ll that more exciting. And is it a coincidence that Cage was born on the 7th of January and one of the cards is a 7? Or that Nic was in the Cotton Club and one of the cards is of Clubs? I don't think so. These two cards are special and I'm sure no other Nicolas Cage Card sets exist. 

Never mind: 
                                          Price: $14.95

And again, never mind: 

                                          Price: $14.95

Speaking of cards, how about a card that could beat any in War: with actual fabric from Nic Cage’s costume in his Oscar nominated performance in Adaptation:

Price: $18

Sidenote: I really want this so please no one bid on it. I'm hesitating to even put the link on here. Seriously, I will cry.

Are you ready for the election? I'm voting Bangkok Dangerous. 

Price: $3 

When leaving your dojo, you gotta have cash money. Go get that Cage Currency baby:

Price: $35.73, goes to charity though

 As far as pictures to hang, how about this classing up the joint with a Cotton Club Lobby Card:

Price: 34.99


Your Dojo needs a little spark, so how about Nic Cage running through fire: 

Price: 24.99

Knowing Trailer film cells, so you can have your own cellular version of Sir Cage, can also be a paperweight if you are worried about your MoonStruck script blowing away: 

Price: 4.99

 I bet you're thinking, hmmm... what if I need to send a letter from my Dojo kind of like the founding fathers did in clues so we could find their treasure? 

Price: $2.50

But what if I'm in in Sierra Leone and I refuse to send Nic Cage stamps unless his shirt is unbuttoned? 

Price: $3.00

Or if I'm in whatever the hell this country is and I want Nic to look like he's a member of Star Trek Enterprise:  

Price: $3.50

These countries better be paying Nic royalties, otherwise I’m pretty sure I discovered why he is in the financial mess he is at 1:34 AM September 25th.

Are you kidding me foreign countries? Seriously. Screw you guys. 

Price: $8.00

I’m going to be the only man in the world with a Nic Cage stamp collection. Why does that sound so cool to me? I need help. I just spent 5 hours on ebay researching this and still have not seen a problem with it. 

Cage at his Frenchiest, gives your room a little foreign flavor and romanticism: 

Price: 4.99

 What should go inside your closet: 

Absolutely certain you’ll be the only one with a: 

Trapped in Paradise T-shirt: 49.99

Spirit of a Vengeance Shirt: 

Price: 32.99

Throw this in your VHS: 

Nicolas Cage narrates Davy Crockett: 9.99

Hood ornament off Nicolas Cage's Jaguar, this would have gone lovely on my red minivan: 
Price: $2,900
The description takes the cake: I bought this Jaguar hood ornament last year at an auction where Nicolas Cage was (anonymously) unloading a lot of his personal possessions. I didn't realize at the time that it is not a standard Jaguar mascot

 How can this only be 14 bucks?: 

I’ll take mine in yellow please.

Ghost Rider preview bust: 

Price: $132.73

Cage Cartoons from the Chicago Tribune by Kerry Waghorn, to keep your room goofy:

Price: 14.99


The ghost Rider plate holder is a must for all plates, hopefully we can find a Nic Cage plate to put on it:

Your own Ghost Rider Jacket: 

Price: 160

If you ever wanted to leave your Dojo, and I can't imagine why, you need to lock your door so you aren't robbed of your keepsakes, so take this Key Ring (it says it's a Women Accessory, but it's obviously for both sexes): 

Price: 8.48

This is by far the most bizzare Cage item ever, it is an inscribed poetry book to Cage, but explanation of the product is unbelievable in its insanity: 

Price: $179.99

 The explanation: 

“Untranslated Korean Title” (likely poetry)

Seoul. Haneon. 2004. Octavo (6 inches x 8.5 inches). 265 pp.  Fine in original wrapper.


The inscription reads:

‘Nicolas Cage & Alice Cage

(untranslated Korean language text - we are in the process of having it translated)

God Bless You !

12 Dec 2004

(untranslated Korean name)

Cage met  Kim while she was an employee at L.A. nightclub Le Prive, they were later married on July 30, 2004 and have a son named Ka-El.

We have no idea what this book is or about since we do not read Korean. We suspect its a book of poetry given the serene imagery on the cover. We are in the process of having a Korean friend translate the title and inscription, but in the interim we decided to list and simply revise the description once we have the English translations.  

Additionally, on the inside flap is affixed a 4x6 yellow, lined post-it note for which we don't understand the meaning or context. It reads: 

 Hope this proves useful in locating the 'Stargate' and therefore confirming once and for all whether or not Egypt was (unintelligible) by an hemaphrodite with nipple rings ! Wish you and your expeditionary force success. Whatever you do don't drink the water. 


Yeah, that just happened, let's hope that is mistranslated Korean. 

 Korean Face-off Movie jacket: 

Price: 199.99

Inscribed Hotwheels pamphlet to Nic Cage from a premiere Hotwheels collector: 

Price: 99.99

More Reading Material: 

Cage and Connery, both in black turtle necks, and Cage rocking the little seen full beard: 

Price: 9.99

Nic Cage autograph in incredible suit with equally incredible fist pump: 

Price: $150

If you ever wondered what Nic Cage would look like Naked as a doll? I'm sure you have. This is the Johnny Blaze body or a miniature crash test dummy from Mythbusters being pawned off as a Johnny Blaze body: 
Price: 69.99

Your room needs light so you can see all of your colletion, so use this:

Price: 199.99


Say you need a smoke: 

Cigarette holder: 16.99


If you're not leaving your room, you need a small car to drive, so why not a Diecast of Nic’s 1937 Bugatti T57C: 
Price: $359

AND FINALLY to leave on your coatrack or plate holder, Blackheart's original coat from the movie Ghost Rider: 

Price: Priceless, but if you need an amount: $499

Your CAGE DOJO is now complete. 

The Hollywood Defender

Friday, September 21, 2012

Stolen, Triple Cage Day

11 more blogs till 100 for the year for the Hollywood Defender. To commemorate the occasion, I’m rolling out 10 Nicolas Cage blogs in a row. 

Viva la Fucking France.

Triple Cage Day

Last Thursday, I was elated to see that Stolen would be available at my local theater, however disappointed to find out that it did not receive a midnight showing. As I struggled to sleep in the wee hours of Friday morning with visions of Cage freakouts, emotional breakdown, and sheer animal magnetism dancing in my head. I had already read that Cage would be subdued in the role, and the “Cage” role of a one legged cab driver bent on revenge would belong to Josh Lucas (Link).

"You know, in that movie, it’s funny, Nic Cage actually said this to me. He said, “You have the Nic Cage role in this movie.” There was a funny joke from “Saturday Night Live” recently which is the ultimate Nic Cage movie, everything’s on fire and every single line is either whispered or screamed. I actually in that movie am the one who’s setting everything on fire and screaming the lines. It was just pure chewing on the scenery absolute fun. It’s funny, Nic obviously does two kinds of movies: the Charlie Kaufman deep soul movies and then these kind of big playful action movies. He really loves them. He’s, of every actor I’ve worked with, one of the most consummately professional, prepared guys who’s just got this kind of quiet, compassionate soul and he’s such a treat to work with. It’s interesting to then go be the big, big, gnarly bad guy in one of his movies which is kind of what he seems to do in many of them these days."

Josh Lucas

However, instead of scenery chewing Cage, I was fine getting action star Cage back again, actually any Cage at all. You know how kids always wish their parents were famous people, when I was a kid I always believed John Madden was actually my dad. Now I wish Cage was my Dad, not because I don’t like my own Dad, I love him, he’s my hero, but Nic Cage is so cool he could replace anyone’s Dad, and you would maybe miss your real Dad for about a second before Nic said something awesome like, “I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.”

I spent some time during the movie wondering why Nic had chosen this particular script until the finale when it was perfectly clear what Nic’s intentions were. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the idea of hunting down his Justin Bieber look-a like daughter. 

If you haven’t seen it, don’t read the next paragraph, but if you have, well enjoy.

Nic likes driving vehicles that are set aflame. Period. He hops into a burning taxi and crashes it into a lake to save his daughter. Awesome and Ghost-Rideresque. I appreciate that Cage is so self-referential at this point that he is referencing a movie that came out this year.

The film also was filmed in New Orleans, a spot where Nicolas Cage drunkenly engaged in domestic violence took place during the filming of this movie, which was then titled Medallion. 

It marked the first time I was ever worried about Nic and the path he was taking. I’d never been too concerned about the money he’d blown and his debt with the IRS because I felt in the long run it would keep him hungry for films that were evocative and maintain his starving artist status instead of the rich blockbuster star he’d become. 

This was different, he appeared as a broken Cage, his stupor similar to his performance in the casino in Leaving Las Vegas, but this time in a tattoo parlor. The domestic violence charge was overblown, but it was the first time I questioned my fandom in a long time. I love quirky Cage, he’s always been an openly weird dude, unlike Tom Cruise who hid this from us, instead Cage basked in his zaniness. Violent Cage is something I thought existed only in the context of his films. But if the financial struggles have led him to alcohol and possible substance abuse, Cage fans are in for a long winter.

My theater was relatively crowded compared to the grand total of 10 people that had accompanied me to Ghost Rider Spirit of a Vengeance and Seeking Justice. Instead I was one of thirty that congregated for Simon West’s film.  Because of this one theater being partially full, I expected the film to open well at the box office. When I checked the internet on Sunday, it wasn’t listed in the top 10. I had to tweet Grady Smith of EW to find the results, he retweeted me:

 is that a good opening for that many theatres? Will it have success overseas? 

Oh boy. I jumped to a positive conclusion, maybe I want Nic to succeed too badly. I thought Ghost Rider 2 was going to put him back on top because it was incredibly better than the first installment. It tanked at the box-office. Even overseas, where Cage dominates the market, won’t recoup the money. Another bomb, not on the scale of Trespass, which went straight to ON DEMAND, but a blow for sure to his status as a star.

I don’t mind if Nic makes movies no one sees, I just don’t want to see his personal life go down the drain, cause his movies will always have something I love about them, it’s impossible to find anything enjoyable about him being arrested for drunken domestic abuse and disturbing the peace.

And yet the reason Cage was in New Orleans is significant, he’s making sure that films are still made there post-Katrina. Cage has made three films down there recently and even penned a comic book with his son Weston “Voodoo Child” about the area. That’s the Nic Cage, I know, wild and goofy, but with a heart and compassion that most ignore. And so I proceeded to watch World Trade Center and City of Angels that night, completing the Cage Trifecta. 

I’ll be breaking these movies down individually as part of the 100 blog celebration.

Here’s a look at things to come:
1.     Cage vs. Bale
2.     The Next Cage
3.     Sorcerer’s Apprentice Tweet
4.     Cage Couch- creating the ideal Nicolas Cage room
5.     World Trade Center- Nic Cage American Hero
6.     City of Angels
7.     Why Nic Cage chooses movies
8.     Cage transition from Comedy to Action star
9.     Possible Stalking of Vanessa Hudgens
(they may not come in this order)

The Hollywood Defender