Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Croods Trailer Breakdown

This is the 6th entry of 10 in the Cage Countdown to 100 blogs. Viva La Fucking France!

The trailer begins with Nic narration, already a good sign based on Cage history, remember how good Lord of War was? Yeah, so do I.

Cage’s character looks like a lumbering goof Neanderthal, but he weaves magical stories to children like no one else. I pray each night that Cage will record every children’s book on tape, so that my children can hear every story as it’s supposed to be read.

I like to believe that this movie will actually discuss the ills of curiosity i.e. death and that everyone comes over to Cage’s character’s point of view.  “Never leave the cave” is a great rule, this stupid upstart daughter can learn something from her father.

If you told me that Nicolas Cage would eventually say the words “Crispy Bear” in a movie, I’d tell you that it would complete my life and everyday after that phrase would be a bonus. Well, it’s happened, and not in the movie, it’s in the trailer for the movie! Which translates to: Nic Cage will be delivering a multitude of catch worthy quotes throughout the film.

 Other great news: This is a kids’ movie, and where there are kids, there’s franchising, and where there’s franchising, there’s toys. I’m going to get my first Nicolas Cage action figure! His character looks nothing like him, but that won’t stop me from re-enacting every scene alone in my room.

Is it wrong that I clap every time I see Cage’s name in the opening credits? It scares the other theater patrons, but it alerts them to greatness. It’s all about give and take.

 It’s a shame I have to wait for this spring for this movie, especially since the world ends in 2012. Stupid 2013 Nic Cage projects at least I get 1 more before the end of the year: Frozen Ground.

The last words are perfect: Everything Begins March 2013. The only thing missing: Everything Begins March 2013 with Nicolas Cage. It’s nice to imagine that we have all descended from Nic, the first modern man. I can sleep well at night knowing that through a fictional movie that Cage is my ancestor. I can check off becoming related to Nic Cage off my bucket list. 

The Hollywood Defender

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