Saturday, November 10, 2012

Zandalee: The Rare Cage


Farther and Farther down the Nicolas Cage Rabbit hole I go. This time to Japan, where I order a copy of Zandalee on DVD. Thank god it was my birthday because I was able to pick up 3 rare Cage films: Blue Boy, Time to Kill, and Zandalee. I will eventually break down all these films, however I begin with Zandalee because it’s DVD case is coated with Chinese lettering, not to look cool, but because this DVD was only available in China.Although all the reviews in Chinese on the box are unanimously positive.


Nicolas Cage reunites with his costar, Judge Reinhold, from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (yes I realize Reinhold was the star of that film, but I only remember Nic) for Zandalee, the story of an affair gone array. 

The filming reminds me of that of The Room, everything isn’t quite right, but Cage still steals every scene.

Cage’s hair is particularly bad, I’ve seen a lot of pieces on his famous head over the years, but you can see where it is attached and could be used as a broom in a warehouse.

Nic as a young actor has so much energy that he bursts off the screen, the frame can’t hold him. It’s like watching an animal video on youtube, you know something amazing is going to happen, but you’re still surprised when it does. Which is why Stolen was disappointing, Cage had lost his energy, there wasn’t one Nicolas Cage burst of energy like in Seeking Justice and Ghost Rider 2. Instead, Cage was content with the limits of the role, instead of finding actions that aren’t there and expanding it into something incredibly dynamic.


Johnny Collins, an artist, Cage plays the eccentric artist to a T, home run role for him.

Cage’s hair looks incredible, dark black and long, he looks like a villainous wrestler from the 1980s, specifically Diesel. Cage enters rocking out in a hallway rolling his head in a quite similar dance to that of the Face Off priest.

We open on New Orleans with a jazzy score and soon find ourselves in the bedroom of a dancing naked woman. All small budget films try to include nudity in order to land on Mr. Skin, one way or another your film has to have pop.

Steve Buscemi just showed up as a garbage man, is Buscemi bad in anything? He’s young and vibrant. He also keeps showing up for no reason.

Two more sets of boobs.

Nic wears grandma glasses frames, they look like the ones Charlie Sheen is forced to wear in Major League. And now, a new pair of glasses, small frames, black, sleek. He’s so awesome, it makes me regret ever wearing contacts.

“I want to shake you naked, and eat you alive.” –Johnny Collins

Cage uses the breasts of a woman as canvas for painting. These sex scenes almost equal Wild at Heart, but there is a soft core porn feel that places Cage in the same vein as Costner and Stallone…. And Cage is getting a blowjob… and Cage is humping on top of the washing machine… and in an alley… and on the floor. He’s an animal, Johnny Collins makes Castor Troy look impotent. It’s even better that this film’s cinematography looks like a home movie at times.

“This is duck is really succulent.” –Johnny Collins

“Let me tell you something about people. People die.”-Johnny Collins

NIC CAGE FREAK OUT at 1 hour and 1 minute. Awesome. Shirt ripped open, then sex in a church.

“You are really going fucking coon-ass, man”-Johnny Collins

Nic dancing with Judge Reinhold is priceless.

Great Cage freak out at 1 hour and 29 minutes. Covers himself in blue paint, it’s incredible. It’s incredibly incredible.

The movie looks like a student film, but Reinhold’s mustache is worth far more than its weight in gold. I think it’s a caterpillar or completely false. 

Nicolas Cage doesn't die!!!

The End